Our Glorious Afterlives

This morning Lynnette watched some video clips from yesterday's Mormon Transhumanist Conference. What?! I had no idea there was such a Mormon group, or that they did a full conference, much less that they've been organized for over a decade. She may only have listened because her cousin George Handley was one of the speakers, but the whole thing generated some good conversation and thoughts.

Many of their links discuss The Afterlife. It's such an emphasis for so many people and cultures, so I wanted to point out some of the great parts of life that we have even if there is no life after death... things that motivate me, and whose importance aren't appreciated enough.

What persists after we die?

Firstly, there are things that are first-hand impressions of our fundamental selves, which continue to affect other people directly. Many of my emotions are consequences of growing up with a loving father and mother, and I hope I'm nurturing the "good" emotions and growing them in my family and further. Beyond that, our actions are typically modelled on what we've experienced from others.  Less spontaneous are the memories of experiences, including feelings or pictures in our mind's eyes. Then there are the life lessons and concepts that impressed us... thoughts that were verbalized or somehow taught directly to our thinking minds.

I often give thanks for my father's persistent, hard-working, optimistic example. And every once in a while I remember my grandfather's character: his body was twisted and painful, but he was always positive when I saw him. I remember him showing us with pride his tiny garden and how he adapted his hoe so he could actually hold it and work the hard ground; I don't know how much it has affected my psyche, but there is en effect there that has lasted long past his death.

Secondly, there are physical artifacts that we generate that can be shared and copied and passed around to affect other people; that obviously includes electronic items. We live on people's minds from the recorded sights and sounds made of us. We create art such as writing and architecture and film, down to how we decorate our homes and including group creations. I include technological advancements in that category. We record factual historical informatlon as well, and those can even serve as inspiration besides being educational. We may make discoveries that do nothing more than advance knowledge, but which change behaviors of societies.

All those physical items have potential intangible effects, so that our personal influence could be shared and even magnified.

I enjoy the stories of my ancestors. I'm lucky to have writings from the past few hundred years of American pioneers with fantastic stories; it's inspiring knowing that those are lives and experiences that directly affected all my lineage.

Finally, although I consider those immaterial aspects to be the most significant, there are many other physical artifacts that leave a tangible mark on the world: the clothing and shelter that protect, and even the food that nurtures and the fuel that energizes.

My mother consistently fed us meals of vegetables, homemade wheat bread (where she ground the wheat), and other good food.  I attribute much of my health today to many years of investment into our physical care.  My dad did his best to care for our homes and yards, and I'm sure people are still benefiting from his work.

All these are things we can leave that will have an effect for years or decades or even centuries to come. True, they are mingled with the afterglow from many other people, but we're contributing... and maybe our part is enough to make a significant difference. Many heros and charismatic figures are lauded repeatedly over time, but I feel that the repeated, small nudges (especially by parents) by multitudes of people over time are the things that advance society and well-being in the world.

The one unfortunate aspect of all this is that we may not experience any of it... death might be the end of that. But why focus on that? There is so much of our own majesty that carry on in all these aspects of life.

The Kids Are Playing Together

We got a trampoline yesterday.  It rained this morning, and it's a bit cold, but that's not stopping the kids from playing on it.  But the greatest thing is that the three of them (Ella, Tolman, and Thomas) are all laughing and playing well together.  It's been about 15 minutes and they haven't argued yet!

It's incredibly satisfying to watch.

Fresh Air and Conversation

Yesterday was Sunday, and I planned to do some of my own thing, but I wanted to at least show a little effort at being with the kids, so I did take a bit of time with each of them.  (This is my weekly program of spending time about 30 minutes with each of them on Sunday.)  I threw a bouncy ball with Thomas, but made it short.  Then I went with Tolman out to his tree-house (actually a tree-platform right now); he likes to talk, and I mostly just listen.  I actually ended up taking half-an-hour with him; I think being outside did me some good.  Then I went in and woke up Ella who was still in bed; we talked for just a minute, and that was that.  I also sat by Olivia for a minute and we reviewed the calendar for this week since she likes to know what's going on so she can remind us ad nauseum.

I ended up getting nothing of my own done.

So I'm sitting here reminiscing, and I realized what an accomplishment that was: to have a teen do nothing but lie in bed and talk with me is something I've got to appreciate.  :-)  I don't remember many specifics, but I believe the pleasant attitude of the day will linger somewhere in our memories for a while to come.

A Rare Experience With A Baby

A friend of mine posted the following on their Facebook account, which is something we don't get to enjoy very often:

"just experienced a baby fall asleep in my arms..."

Copycatting and Cross-Examining

This year I started saying goodbye to my kids in the morning with, "Do something great today!" It's a small thing in the morning: I'm encouaging them to actively create their reality rather than passively hope good things will happen. I'm avoiding phrases like, "Have a good day."

Well, the other day I drove Ella and Tolman to school. They opened the doors to get out of the car, and before I could say anything Ella chimed "Do something great today!"

Ella has now asked me more than once when I get home, "What did you do great today?"

Sweet, Sweet Cinnamon Rolls

Lynnette is a fabulous cook; she has spent a great deal of time and effort creating dishes and finding what really works for her. However, she hasn't had much luck baking. This is too bad, because cookies and breads are my personal favorite. But, seriously, she has tried and mostly failed when making rolls and pastries.

One night last week I came home to the wonderful smell of rolls. Suddenly I remembered that she said something earlier about trying to make cinnamon rolls, and sure enough she had a few dozen there. They looked pretty good. They tasted pretty good. My kids loved them, and my sister-in-law and nieces loved them. They really were awesome.

And she was knew it. At one point she beamed from ear to ear and said, "I did it."

Pretty cool, eh!

One of the Greatest Compliments

I've just been given one of the greatest compliments of my life. I was reminiscing with my mom about our family as I grew up... and as I was thinking about how much love we all got from my dad over the years, Mom commented off-handedly: "You do more for your family than your dad ever did."

I cannot express in words my deep satisfaction at being told such a thing.

Repeat Customers

A friend of mine creates quilts by hand and sells them at a show in Las Vegas. They're very original, created with swatches of whatever she likes: Tinkerbell, camouflage, and even a Christmas-themed Elvis one. She got back from her most recent show the other day and was talking about her adventures, and she mentioned how some of her customers had returned to buy another quilt. What a rush! The fact that someone likes your work enough to pay money in the first place has its non-monetary benefits, but to have someone come back a year later and seek you out so they can again get something you have created... that must be a great feeling.

Energized by caring

Kids impose on your time and sap your energy. Every day, almost every time you interact, they ask for some help or they don't ask for help but are in a mess where you have to help to preserve your sanity. This can be extremely draining.

For some reason, last night was different for me. We all sat down and watched "Newsies" before bed. Tolman and Thomas wanted me to rub their backs, and so I alternated between them and Lynnette, and they were happy with that (whereas they have been known to complain the moment you take your hand off).

Then Ellie started throwing up. Thankfully, she is mature enough to keep it contained in the bathroom or in a bowl. But Lynnette didn't want her to sleep in her bed in case she throws up there, so I got out our inflatable bed and blew it up and put on a sheet and got her into a comfortable place that would be easy to clean.

This was all way past my ideal bedtime of 9 PM. But this time was different because I was satisfied that I had made life a bit more comfortable for everyone. I wish I knew what was different about the whole situation that made it rewarding rather than draining. When I find out, I'll make sure to bottle it and share with everyone.

A morning goodbye

This morning, I did something right. Thomas was a bit reluctant to go to day-care this morning, and when we got there he said he wanted to go home. This was a bit frustrating, because I struggled with him a bit getting his shoes as we left and I was already somewhat late for work. But I sat and hugged him for a minute. I held him tight. He was a bit limp at first, so I made him put both his arms all the way around me. He does know how to hold on when he wants! After a minute, his friends started calling him, and he wanted to look around at them, but I kept holding him and I turned him into me so that he would not be distracted from our hug. A little later, he started pushing me away playfully; he punched me softly and bumped my head with his, obviously feeling better. So I let him go, and he stood there, probably waiting to feel more comfortable about running to his friends. (He tends to react to new situations very slowly.) I left at that point, feeling extremely warm from holding him and leaving knowing that we were parting in good spirits.

That's what this is all about.

A good dinner

Our youngest, 3-year-old Thomas, is our most difficult child because he is very willful and has an extremely short fuse; my sister-in-law has 6 children, and even she says that he's the hardest she's dealt with, so I know he's a special case. In every activity with us, he has at least one fit where he screams or throws a tantrum or actually throws something. He is getting much better with us (or vice versa) because there are times that we can pay direct attention to him and go through the steps of "please..." and then "I need you to..." and then a time-out, and he'll often come around. But it is incredibly frustrating to deal with someone who is constantly contrary.

So it was very surprising and rewarding last night that he came and sat down with us for dinner, and furthermore he didn't complain one time as we ate! When I asked him to move over to make room for someone, he said "OK" and did it right then. He talked to us calmly and said "only a little" as we gave him his salad, and he didn't yell or push away his plate when I put on the second fork-full. He ate all his dinner; he's an interesting one because he usually likes all his vegetables (and prefers them to meat), but he doesn't often eat everything like that.

I found myself pleasantly surprised that we had such a nice time together, and even now it is so gratifying that dinner last night was so... normal. Many good memories are emotional moments in unique situations; this one will be a treasure not because it was so remarkable but because it was such a departure from all our previous experience.

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I realize that I did not praise Thomas for his behavior. How many times do we have a normal interaction with someone and fail to recognize that blessing in the moment, much less fail to express appreciation for it? Yesterday at work, Gordon was remarking on how much pain we've had in the past when making large-scale improvements to our product, and now we reap the benefits and consider our current situation as normal but we hardly recall how much work it took to get to this point. Yes, I feel lucky right now to have the everyday life that I do.

Creating a small logo

It's a small thing, but I took about 30 minutes and finished a graphic I've been envisioning. It's such a small thing, but I'm happy to have completed this little creation; I guess it's been a while since I've felt that kind of satisfaction creating something.



(If you're curious about it's meaning, you can find it with a bit of searching through my stuff. Cheers!)

A Small Moment: Crayon Physics

This morning I experienced a real treat: I planned to play some games with the kids, and they didn't exactly want to do what I expected, but it provided a few pleasant moments. Then a few minutes later I sat down at the computer for a minute to play Crayon Physics; this is a marvelous little game where you draw shapes and they fall, roll, and bounce off each other as if they were physical objects. You should try it out.

Well, the last screen gives you a flat area without any objective, so I decided to try a few things like balancing blocks and seeing how high I could stack them. So I called Ella over and challenged her to a contest: let's see who can stack the most blocks on a teeter-totter. We stacked them, balanced them, drew tiny ones, made mounds of the tiny ones, exploded mounds of tiny ones (by drawing large items in the middle of the ground, which pops them up rapidly)... It was a good time. She even tried to make a house, which is hard when there's almost no friction!

After it was over, I realized that we had just shared a small, special moment where we both played at something, we each enjoyed it, and it even included some eye-opening discoveries for both of us.

How cool is that?

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PS: If you can't find the game, try this link.

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Exercises to try:

- Plan your next time to play on someone else's schedule, doing their interests (for at least 30 minutes).
- What kind of open-ended play do you have available around the house/yard/workplace?