Yet Another Funeral

I attended a funeral yesterday.  I don't have much to say about it... all I have to say is that I saw genuine emotion in action, and that was cool.  We were fortunate to hear from some very talented speakers and musicians. In the end, though, it was the tenderness in people's eyes and voices that made it such a soulful experience.

Recent Funerals

Are funerals sad?

No. We're sad at funerals because their whole purpose is to recognize what we've lost; we also have a hard time as we realize more and more how much we will miss that person in the future. However, funerals themselves are thought-provoking, solemn, and reverent. They bring out the deepest sentiments in everyone involved. They are truly growing experiences that help us learn to cope. In fact, they're exhausting for me because they're so powerfully emotional.

Of course, I hope I don't have to attend another funeral for a while.

The most recent one was where a neighborhood friend has been left alone after the loss of his soul-mate. I think back about her and remember how she was always positive, always happy to see you. And Lynnette and I would bump into them on a date together from time to time, and you could see how they genuinely enjoyed each other's company. I got teary-eyed at that viewing every time I'd think of his life without her. As we waiting in line to see him, I found it remarkable how he seemed so composed; he seemed to be the one comforting everyone else. When we got to him, he told me to cherish Lynnette because I never know when she'll be gone. That's powerful.

Before that one, we went to one for a local family who, in one year, lost 2 daughters to two separate diseases. Again, we could see what a hole was left in that family. That event continues to affect me because I met one of the daughters at a Thanksgiving dinner where she didn't interact much; I assumed she was quiet without much to say. However, I learned at the eulogy that it was because of the disease, and besides hearing it from her family I heard it from some high-school friends I hadn't seen for years; they all talked about how much she contributed when they worked with her. Wow. Talk about having your eyes opened! That meeting was touching because the full emotion of the family came through, especially in song.

Although I hope it's a long time before I have to attend another one, I will jump at the chance to go. There is no other gathering where we fully sense and focus on all the most meaningful parts of life.

a husband's loving example, years later

This past week was my parents' anniversary, and today is my dad's birthday. Dad died a few years ago; Mom now lives here in Salt Lake, and she decided to go back to Missouri where he is buried to memorialize him this week. I drove her to the airport, and we ended up discussing some of the issues (AKA problems) of the family out here in Utah, and she talked a bit about Dad's example to her.

Dad was more patient and hard-working than most, and although things rarely worked out the way he planned, he always focused on the blessings in his life; he always trusted that things would work out, and he continually kept up a cheery attitude. This was remarkable to us while he was alive, and we respect it even more now that he's passed on. Mom is no exception: she admits that she sometimes took a grim view of things when they didn't have much money or stability in their lives, and she admires Dad all the more now because he was steady even when she was not.

So she mentioned some of the things that are difficult for her now. It wasn't an expression of self-pity, and there was no sense of complaint; there are some things that she is enduring, but even more than that she's trying to make situations better even where there's almost no hope for things to get better. That's the type of attitude that's inspiring: rather than harboring resentment or giving up, you attempt different things and push doggedly through the never-ending problems until you find something that helps. That's Dad's attitude. She cried as she explained how good he was when they first moved to Missouri and didn't have anything; he was good even though he had frustrations and he felt her frustrations. That example keeps her striving to be better and kinder in whatever tough personal issue comes up.

That's how loving-kindness changes lives, even years after the fact.