Our Glorious Afterlives

This morning Lynnette watched some video clips from yesterday's Mormon Transhumanist Conference. What?! I had no idea there was such a Mormon group, or that they did a full conference, much less that they've been organized for over a decade. She may only have listened because her cousin George Handley was one of the speakers, but the whole thing generated some good conversation and thoughts.

Many of their links discuss The Afterlife. It's such an emphasis for so many people and cultures, so I wanted to point out some of the great parts of life that we have even if there is no life after death... things that motivate me, and whose importance aren't appreciated enough.

What persists after we die?

Firstly, there are things that are first-hand impressions of our fundamental selves, which continue to affect other people directly. Many of my emotions are consequences of growing up with a loving father and mother, and I hope I'm nurturing the "good" emotions and growing them in my family and further. Beyond that, our actions are typically modelled on what we've experienced from others.  Less spontaneous are the memories of experiences, including feelings or pictures in our mind's eyes. Then there are the life lessons and concepts that impressed us... thoughts that were verbalized or somehow taught directly to our thinking minds.

I often give thanks for my father's persistent, hard-working, optimistic example. And every once in a while I remember my grandfather's character: his body was twisted and painful, but he was always positive when I saw him. I remember him showing us with pride his tiny garden and how he adapted his hoe so he could actually hold it and work the hard ground; I don't know how much it has affected my psyche, but there is en effect there that has lasted long past his death.

Secondly, there are physical artifacts that we generate that can be shared and copied and passed around to affect other people; that obviously includes electronic items. We live on people's minds from the recorded sights and sounds made of us. We create art such as writing and architecture and film, down to how we decorate our homes and including group creations. I include technological advancements in that category. We record factual historical informatlon as well, and those can even serve as inspiration besides being educational. We may make discoveries that do nothing more than advance knowledge, but which change behaviors of societies.

All those physical items have potential intangible effects, so that our personal influence could be shared and even magnified.

I enjoy the stories of my ancestors. I'm lucky to have writings from the past few hundred years of American pioneers with fantastic stories; it's inspiring knowing that those are lives and experiences that directly affected all my lineage.

Finally, although I consider those immaterial aspects to be the most significant, there are many other physical artifacts that leave a tangible mark on the world: the clothing and shelter that protect, and even the food that nurtures and the fuel that energizes.

My mother consistently fed us meals of vegetables, homemade wheat bread (where she ground the wheat), and other good food.  I attribute much of my health today to many years of investment into our physical care.  My dad did his best to care for our homes and yards, and I'm sure people are still benefiting from his work.

All these are things we can leave that will have an effect for years or decades or even centuries to come. True, they are mingled with the afterglow from many other people, but we're contributing... and maybe our part is enough to make a significant difference. Many heros and charismatic figures are lauded repeatedly over time, but I feel that the repeated, small nudges (especially by parents) by multitudes of people over time are the things that advance society and well-being in the world.

The one unfortunate aspect of all this is that we may not experience any of it... death might be the end of that. But why focus on that? There is so much of our own majesty that carry on in all these aspects of life.

Yet Another Funeral

I attended a funeral yesterday.  I don't have much to say about it... all I have to say is that I saw genuine emotion in action, and that was cool.  We were fortunate to hear from some very talented speakers and musicians. In the end, though, it was the tenderness in people's eyes and voices that made it such a soulful experience.

Sharing a Shirt

The other morning Thomas walked in wearing a red shirt and said, proudly, "Tolman let me wear his school shirt!" That was pretty amazing since they are pretty possessive about their clothing. I'm accustomed to hearing complaints from the girls about wearing each others' clothes, and maybe that's where the boys picked up the habit; whatever the reason, there are certain pieces of clothing which are their favorites and which regularly start fights between them.

Sure enough, Thomas was wearing the school shirt that Tolman got in kindergarten... which was perfect for Thomas now that he's in kindergarten.Then he said, "It's got Miss Smith on the back." Yep, her self-portrait is in the top-left corner, because Tolman had her back then, too.

He was so proud that you'd have thought he just won a game. And he's right: it is a big deal when your brother does something nice for you like that. And it's a big deal when one son does something nice for another son like that. I've got some praising to do.

One of the Greatest Compliments

I've just been given one of the greatest compliments of my life. I was reminiscing with my mom about our family as I grew up... and as I was thinking about how much love we all got from my dad over the years, Mom commented off-handedly: "You do more for your family than your dad ever did."

I cannot express in words my deep satisfaction at being told such a thing.

a husband's loving example, years later

This past week was my parents' anniversary, and today is my dad's birthday. Dad died a few years ago; Mom now lives here in Salt Lake, and she decided to go back to Missouri where he is buried to memorialize him this week. I drove her to the airport, and we ended up discussing some of the issues (AKA problems) of the family out here in Utah, and she talked a bit about Dad's example to her.

Dad was more patient and hard-working than most, and although things rarely worked out the way he planned, he always focused on the blessings in his life; he always trusted that things would work out, and he continually kept up a cheery attitude. This was remarkable to us while he was alive, and we respect it even more now that he's passed on. Mom is no exception: she admits that she sometimes took a grim view of things when they didn't have much money or stability in their lives, and she admires Dad all the more now because he was steady even when she was not.

So she mentioned some of the things that are difficult for her now. It wasn't an expression of self-pity, and there was no sense of complaint; there are some things that she is enduring, but even more than that she's trying to make situations better even where there's almost no hope for things to get better. That's the type of attitude that's inspiring: rather than harboring resentment or giving up, you attempt different things and push doggedly through the never-ending problems until you find something that helps. That's Dad's attitude. She cried as she explained how good he was when they first moved to Missouri and didn't have anything; he was good even though he had frustrations and he felt her frustrations. That example keeps her striving to be better and kinder in whatever tough personal issue comes up.

That's how loving-kindness changes lives, even years after the fact.

Dancing and Skating Together

Tonight we all went to the street dancing at Bountiful's Summerfest, where we have dancers from around the world perform and allow us to dance with them in the street. We saw some square dancing by people from Denver, some Russian dancing by Cossack youths, and some other group dancing by Greeks. Fun stuff!

What was awesome was that everyone enjoyed something: Lynnette enjoyed my dancing (maybe because I'm so adept at embarrassing myself); Olivia got to dance flamboyantly in the street with other people; Ellie and Tolman skated down some sloping streets on their Wave skateboards; and Thomas caught serious air because I'd pull him up by the arm as he jumped. I enjoyed it all!

What's particularly rewarding is that there was a lot of whining and anger before we left, but everyone has a much better attitude after just a few minutes at the event. Physical fun is good for the soul.

July 4th with the family

Yesterday was West Bountiful's Independence Day Celebration. Yes, it is still June, but our city does our stuff on a weekend far from the national celebration so as to avoid conflicting with everything else that happens. We're a small town in the middle of a large urban area (we still have horse property all around us!), so we have the feeling of a smaller community. I really enjoyed our little parade, carnival, and then time afterward as a family. The whole day was kind of up-and-down; there was a lot of complaining and crying and disappointment and outright boredom, but there were also a ton of smiles and mingled in our myriad of activities. I was pondering life issues this morning and I realized that it was truly a memorable day, and a fond memory at that, so it is worth recording here.

It began with our city parade. Ella and Tolman sang in the school choir, so they got to ride and sing in a float.









Thomas and Olivia seemed to really enjoy it. Olivia was up and around, cheering for the floats, and waving enthusiasticallythe whole time; between that and chasing after all the candy thrown out, it was quite the interactive event.













Then we went to the park where the first performance was the school choir. Naturally, Ella sang with all her might; Tolman sang some things, though I don't have a picture to prove it. The kids did well... for kids. But it seems to be more fun to watch what they do on stage that isn't part of the performance, especially when they're supposed to be performing.


















Of course, the kids had to go on the blow-up slides and obstacle courses; anyone who knows Olivia, Tolman, and Ellie will recognize a bit of their personalities in each of their styles.





And this is where I have to give a hand to Lynnette, because she took every one of these pictures; Thomas went down a slide, too, but we don't have a picture of it because I took him to the different one that he wanted to go on, and I don't typically take pictures. Sorry about that.












So then the cousins invited us over for swimming, just to make the day perfect. (That last picture is of Ella's legs: she's doing a handstand underwater.)















Yes, I'm skipping over the part where Thomas threw screaming fits at the park, and where I was disappointed at going swimming because I wanted a peaceful afternoon at home. But for some reason it's easy for me to forget about those parts as I consider what yesterday meant to my family. And I didn't even mention how the kids got to stay up late at the neighbor's house (yes, all the kids), or how I helped take down at the park, or how Lynnette and I put together a few bookshelves, and how we quietly watched the city's fireworks from afar on our porch.

Hm. Yep. A heck of a summer day.

There's some growing goin' on!

Every morning, my kids love to play around before they're ready to go to school. Nobody does this more than Tolman: he might talk, walk, or even just sit doing nothing rather than simply get dressed and get all ready to walk out the door. So I every time they talk to me, I tell them, "Sorry, we can't talk about that until you're all finished getting ready."

This morning, Tolman came to me and said, "Dad? Oh, nevermind. You won't like it until I'm ready for school."

Wow. After dozens of repetitions, there's a glimmer that something good is happening.

A Small Moment: Crayon Physics

This morning I experienced a real treat: I planned to play some games with the kids, and they didn't exactly want to do what I expected, but it provided a few pleasant moments. Then a few minutes later I sat down at the computer for a minute to play Crayon Physics; this is a marvelous little game where you draw shapes and they fall, roll, and bounce off each other as if they were physical objects. You should try it out.

Well, the last screen gives you a flat area without any objective, so I decided to try a few things like balancing blocks and seeing how high I could stack them. So I called Ella over and challenged her to a contest: let's see who can stack the most blocks on a teeter-totter. We stacked them, balanced them, drew tiny ones, made mounds of the tiny ones, exploded mounds of tiny ones (by drawing large items in the middle of the ground, which pops them up rapidly)... It was a good time. She even tried to make a house, which is hard when there's almost no friction!

After it was over, I realized that we had just shared a small, special moment where we both played at something, we each enjoyed it, and it even included some eye-opening discoveries for both of us.

How cool is that?

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PS: If you can't find the game, try this link.

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Exercises to try:

- Plan your next time to play on someone else's schedule, doing their interests (for at least 30 minutes).
- What kind of open-ended play do you have available around the house/yard/workplace?